


Mind If I Slytherin?

by slytherclaw13



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Next Gen, Parseltongue, Slytherin Albus Severus Potter, harry's still a parselmouth, just so you know the snake is essentially blackjack from PJO, snake - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-27
Updated: 2016-03-27
Packaged: 2018-05-29 09:01:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6368422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slytherclaw13/pseuds/slytherclaw13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry Potter knows things he really doesn't want to know. How does he know? The fucking snake.<br/>~~~<br/>Inspired by this tumblr post: "Harry Potter au where Harry didn’t lose being a parsletongue and Albus buys a snake as a pet one year because snakes are cool and one day just walks in on Harry and the snake having a deep conversation"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mind If I Slytherin?

**Author's Note:**

> please don't judge that godawful title i literally cannot think of a single better snake joke i've brought shame to my family

There are lots of things Harry James Potter doesn’t want to think about-Britain losing the Quidditch World Cup, the backlog of files waiting for him in the Auror office.

However, currently residing at the top of the List of Things Harry Potter Doesn’t Want To Think About is, of course, the fact that his son Albus is…

well,

he’s doing certain things.

How does he know this?

The fucking snake.

~

After his sorting, Albus clung to the imagery of his house wholeheartedly and begged his parents incessantly for a snake for his 12th birthday. After 4 months of twice daily owls and a breakdown on Ginny’s part, Carlos the Hognose arrived at chez Potter over the Easter holidays, much to Harry’s chagrin.

Harry had always assumed he’d lost his ability to speak parsletongue after the debacle in the train station of light, but the moment Carlos entered his home, Harry heard his small voice hisssss out

“HEYYYYYY THERE BOSSSSSS HOWSSSSIT GOIN”

~

It took him a while to warm up to Carlos-least of all because so many giant snakes had tried to kill him in his day. No, though he would never tell Albus, this snake was a grade-A pain in the arse. 

“HEYYYYYYY BOSSSSS” he hissed, “HOWWWWSSSSS WORK I HEAR ALBUSSSSSS SAYSSSSSSSS YOU’RE ONE OF THOSSSSSSE AURORSSSSSSSSS AT THE MINISSSSSSTRY”

“Carlos, will you please be quiet I have to work on this report”

“OKAY BOSSSSSSS DIDN’T MEAN TO DISSSSSSSTRACT YOU”

“It’s fine Carlos just give me some time”

“ARE YOU SSSSSSSSURE?”

“YES I’M BLOODY SURE”

“SSSSSORRY BOSSSSS”

…

“BOSSSS…ARE YOU MAD AT ME?” Harry sighed.  
“No, Carlos, I’m not”

~

Despite this, Harry grew fond of the creature, and by the time Albus entered his seventh year the snake stayed in Harry’s office during the school term.

“BOSSSSSSS?”

“Yes, Carlos?”

“WHO'SSSSSSS ALICCCCCE AND WHY DOESSSSSSS SHE MAKE ALBUSSSSSSS SSSSSSSAY ‘YESSSSSSSSS’?”

Harry looked up from his report

“Carlos what are you on about," 

"THISSSSSS SSSSSSUMMER THERE WASSSSSS A GIRL IN ALBUSSSSSSS'SSSSSS ROOM. HE CALLED HER ALICCCCEEE AND SAID YESSSSSSSSSSSS A LOT”

“Alice…Longbottom?”

“YESSSSSS BOSSSSSS, I THINK SSSSSSSSO. WHAT WASSSSSS THAT? HE SSSSSSSOUNDED LIKE HE WASSSSSSS HURT.”

“Carlos, he wasn’t hurt, but he’s going to be”

**Author's Note:**

> this was a very old fanfic written by junior year Maggie all the way back in 2014. Just trying to organize and get all salvageable fics from my tumblr over to here.


End file.
